Today

Usually every 3-4 weeks I have a day where I spend most of it in "freak out" mode.  Those of you that have known me fore a while know exactly what I'm talking about.  I just have one of those days where things slow down for a bit, and everything I need to get done for work, life, etc ALL comes to the front of my mind.  It's all I can think about!

Now that I have devloped some respectable money management skills, I am constantly worrying about money.  This causes me to worry about buying a house and having kids.  Both of which I'm emotionally ready for NOW.  I only have myself to blame.  I've put myself on a ccareer path that is very scary.  What if the next gig doesn't come?  How long will I be desireable?  Will I always be able to do this for a living?  What if people get sick of working with me?  What if they want to hire a different guy to design their drum show, or routine for a theme park, or to teach a camp, etc etc.  

See what I mean?

I'm usually very good at allowing God to take control.  But every now and then, I get worried.  Can we do it?  Megan and I would like to start having kids......NOW.  Are we ready?  Will we EVER be ready?  Can we afford it?  Megan and I want to buy a house.....NOW.  Are we ready?  Will we EVER be ready?  Can we afford it?  

Today my head is completely filled to the brim.  To the point where my Tylenol will just not get rid of my headache I've had since I woke up.  

I think I should talk to good Pastor G.  He will help me clear my head.  Megan and I want kids so badly.  I am ready.  I mean, I'm going to be freakin 30 in like 3 1/2 months!  Holy Moly!!!!  When my brother was 30 he already had 2 kids.  I'm jealous.  I know time will be rough once we start to have kids.  But maybe I am willing to deal with that.  I am ready to be a dad.  And I think I'm going to be a great dad.  At least I hope I am.

We'll see.

I sometimes think back on the last 10 years of my life.  Whoa!!!!  For those of you that have been around for those years, you know how much has happened.  I could write a series of novels about the last 10 years.  Just amazing the roller coaster this life has taken me on.  I then wonder what the next 10 years will bring.  Well I'm talking about having kids, so I guess I know what it will probably entail.  

I want my business to grow so badly.  I know it will grow.  I just wish it would grow faster.  This recession sucks!  I just got my newest issue of Inc.  Such a great magazine.  Perfect for me!  

The headline reads, "What Luck!  A Recession!  It's a great time to start a company."

The cover story is about the guy who started "Clif Bar."  He started the company during the 1990-91 recession.  This year he projects $200 million in sales.

Maybe my camp biz will be fine! I just need to make sure it stays cutting edge, current, and innovative.  And it also needs to be international.  I know this drumline thing can truly go places.

Megan & I had planned on going to Carrabba's last night.  It didn't happen.  She just called me from work and said she wants to go at 4pm, before she has to be at her other job at 5:30pm.  My wife is amazing.  She works so so so so hard.  She says she works hard because she thinks I do.  I wish I was as cool as her.  It's a blessing to be with someone who inspires me on a daily basis.  I wish I could be inspiring to someone.  Maybe one day.  Maybe I am inspiring to someone and I just don't know it.  

Well I'm going to get going.  Wow how funny.  As I write all of this, I'm listening to Jack ( big shocker ).  This is the song.  "All At Once."  Check out the lyrics.

All at once,

The world can't overwhelm me

There's almost nothin' that you could tell me

That could ease my mind

Which way will you run

When it's always all around you

And the feelin' lost and found you again

A feelin' that we have no control

Around a song

Some say

There's gonna be the new hell

Some say

It's still too early to tell

Some say

It really ain't no myth at all

Keep askin' ourselves are we really

Strong enough

There's so many things that we got

Too proud of

We're too proud of

We're too proud of

I wanna take the preconceived

Out from underneath your feet

We could shake it off

Instead we'll plant some seeds

We'll watch em' as they grow

And with each new beat

From your heart the roots grow deeper

The branches will they reach for what

Nobody really knows

But underneath it all

Theres this heart all alone

What about is gone

And it really won't be so long

Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all

Theres a world we've never seen

Theres still hope between the dreams

The weight of it all

Could blow away with a breeze

If your waitin on the wind

Don't forget to breathe

Cause as the darkness gets deeper

We'll be sinkin as we reach for love

At least somethin we could hold

But i'll reach to you from where time just cant go

What about is gone

And it really wont be so long

Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place to be singin' from at all